Are you getting disapproving looks for moving overseas?
Sometimes, it’s shocking what our friends and family say to us.
One of the more amazing things they say to people moving overseas is that they are “traitors” for wanting to leave their home country.
This is especially true for places where there are political or economic problems. I know of potential expats who have been told they are “cowards” and should “stay and fight”.
Why do your friends and family say this?
From what I’ve been able to figure out, the most likely reason people make these comments is that they are actually mad at themselves.
Most people live in little, mental boxes. They think you “have to” do certain things.
You have to work hard at school and get good grades, so you can go to a good university, so you can get a good job. Then you have to work hard at that job for 40 years, trying to climb the corporate ladder. Then you finally get to retire and enjoy life, in the house you’ve finally paid off the mortgage on.
That’s how life works.
At least, that’s what they believe.
And here you are, telling them what they believe is wrong. It’s possible to live a better life by doing something different from what they believe.
They can take that either as something to think about or as an insult to everything they believe in. Since many people nowadays aren’t interested in thinking, they consider it an insult.
They’ve invested their whole life in these beliefs, and you’ve just told them they’re stupid for doing so (in their minds).
So they get angry with you.
If this happens to you, you need to realize their problem isn’t with you. Their problem is with themselves.
What can you do about this?
The easiest thing is to ignore these people, and don’t let them into your life any longer.
Personally, I only want to have friends who are capable of considering new options in life – not people who are tied to one thought, which they never re-evaluate.
I also will not tolerate people who treat me badly.
So, if someone acts this way towards me, it’s a very clear sign they shouldn’t be part of my life.
But if you feel like countering their emotional opinions with facts, here are a few things you can mention.
If someone calls you a coward for moving overseas, ask them how long their family has been living in their current country. Did a great-great-grandfather of theirs move there 150 years ago? Was he a coward? And what exactly was he afraid of – providing a better life for his family?
Is it brave to sit there and do nothing to improve your life? Or is it brave to take some calculated risks, in an effort to improve your life?
In response to the “stay and fight” comments, ask them, “When? How? Where?”
Many people like to act as if someday they’re going to be part of some revolution that will form a better society. However, they never actually do anything about it.
Ask them what they did the last time the government enacted a new law that violated the legal rights of citizens. Ask them if they marched down to the legislature, grabbed their representative out of his office, and made a citizen’s arrest.
Or did they sit on their couch, and do nothing?
Approaching these insults with facts makes it obvious that their anger is really with themselves.
They haven’t acted to improve their lives, and you’re showing them it is possible to take actions to improve your life.
So they get angry with you and start insulting you, to “keep you in your place”.
Who will you let run your life?
The real question is, “Who are you going to let decide how you live your life?”
Are you going to do what everyone else tells you to do, or are you going to think about what makes you happiest and try to live your own life?
Moving overseas isn’t the perfect solution for everyone. Some people truly will be happier if they decide to stay where they currently are.
However, that decision is best made by you, and not by someone else.
It’s bad enough if you’re boxed in by your own fears. But please don’t let your life be limited by someone else’s fears, limits, and prejudices.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Good stuff Scott.
I haven’t been called a traitor… yet. There are some people that cop a ‘tude when I mention the leave-the-country option.
I think another issue that comes into play is that they really don’t want to make the effort required to improve their lives.
Oh well.
Joe
My friends and family are mostly supportive, but just don’t want us to leave. It seems like a separation of such a distance makes them feel like they are ‘losing’ us. I counter with the offer to have them come for long stays, maybe permanently. Since they don’t have an argument against that, I feel they are seriously thinking along those lines.
That’s a good point. There are some positive reasons your friends and family may not be happy to see you go. I wish some of my friends would make the trip. Not just so I could see them, but so they could see what kind of life is possible here.