For those of us who are single, one of our concerns about moving overseas is if we’ll be able to find a boyfriend, girlfriend, or future spouse. Dating at home can be difficult enough. Add in a difference language and different culture, and you may wonder if you’ll be able to find someone special once you’re living abroad.
So here is a story of one incident where a single expat was ambushed in an attempt to get him married. All names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty), but I can assure you that this story really did happen.
For those of you who are married, you can enjoy this story, and get a little laugh since you don’t need to worry about problems like this anymore.
The hero of our story is an expat in his mid 40s. He’d like to meet a good woman, get married, and have a kid or two. For the sake of our story, let’s say he’s a good person, intelligent, decent looking, and has a little money (but is definitely not rich). Since he’d like to have a couple of children, he’s looking for a woman in her late 20s or early 30s – a bit of a stretch for his age, but not too bad. For our story, will call him “Steve”.
Steve liked meeting other expats, and wanted to attend a get-together of expats in another town. However, since he didn’t have a car, and the bus ride was longer than he really wanted to take, he rarely goes to this other town. But one day, another expat with a car (will call him “Dave”) said he was going to go to the meeting and he had space in his car, in case Steve wanted to go along.
Unfortunately, the expat meeting ended up being cancelled. However, Dave said, “If you want, we can still do something that day. My girlfriend’s family is having a barbeque lunch and we can go there instead.” Dave was dating a local woman, and her family lived a couple hours away.
Steve thought it would be nice to get out of town for a little while, so he decided to go along. If only he knew what everyone else had planned for him that day.
You see, Dave’s girlfriend had two single sisters, and this was really more of a job interview to see is Steve would be a good candidate for the position of husband for one of them.
After lunch, Dave suggested that he, Steve, and one of the sisters go for a walk to see the local sights. That’s when the questions started to go from casual conversational ones to the kind that you usually ask after dating someone for a while.
Now for Steve, he really wasn’t interested in the sister. There wasn’t anything wrong with her, but she just wasn’t the woman he was looking for. But some people seem to think that it’s better to be with anyone, than to take your time to find the right person.
It turns out that this wasn’t the first time Dave had invited a single expat along to meet the sisters. In fact, the sister in question would later be engaged to another expat Dave knew.
If you’re worried about meeting someone after moving overseas, it seems like there are matchmakers everywhere. I’ve heard from a friend who went to Vietnam that he could barely have a meal in a restaurant by himself without having someone come up to him, ask him why he was alone, and inviting him to eat with them.
Just get out of your home, and find an excuse to meet people. Join a local club for something that interests you. Find a charity that you want to help with. Meet people who want to learn your language. And when you’re out there, speak with the people you meet.
Even if your vocabulary is limited, you‘ll start to meet more people socially, and eventually you may find someone to start dating.
Just make sure you know what you’re looking for and be careful of any lunch invitations you receive.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
The best advice I can give is just to be relaxed and be yourself. As you say, be as social as possible (without going over the top) and you never know what will happen. When I found myself as a single Brit in Portugal I wondered how on earth I could find a boyfriend, but luckily thanks to a local darts competition I did! And although I didn’t even know his nationality at first (he’s Romanian actually), over the weeks we got to know each other and I improved my Portuguese no end (he didn’t speak much English). So, it does happen and probably when you least expect it.
I have heard from many expats (most of them with local wives or girlfriends) that the best way to learn the language is to start dating someone who doesn’t speak English. It provides an incentive program with appealing benefits.
Love your e-mails, so much information. We are going to move overseas, just deciding where is our challenge right now. We are leaning towards Equador right now
Thanks Arlene. It’s nice to hear that you enjoy the e-mails.
If you’ve already visited Ecuador, I’d love to hear what you thought of it.
I was single when I moved to New Zealand and it was so refreshing at first. But, it does get a little lonely after a while. I never thought I’d meet the man of my dreams while overseas. But sure enough, I did! I met him at a local pub after work. Even though we spoke the same language, it still was a bit difficult to adjust to having a Kiwi partner. Sometimes, you will find that someone in unexpected places. People always say that you can’t go to a bar and meet someone. Well, you can! Sometimes it takes moving across the world and then hitting your local!